And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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