Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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