How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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