Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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