im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize