I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
