I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
