Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
