I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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