Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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