so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
