Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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