The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
