I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
