Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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