she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
