So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
