Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize