please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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