In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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