Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
