I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
is that a dick in a sweater?
I want a musical about memes.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
