I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
