The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
