Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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