Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
