Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
