plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
