Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A bitchslap is in order.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
