Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
