Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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