Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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