I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
third nipple confirmed
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
