He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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