You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Oh god it's open bar.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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