Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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