Me too!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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