i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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