i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
