I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
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