I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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