I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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