i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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