I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
