Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
