Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
