Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
