My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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