i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
