I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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