you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We have started to decorate penises.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
