KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize