ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The uberlube is also flammable
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
