Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
