the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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