I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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