is this the sara with the beer cane?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
