it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
sarcasm needs its own font
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
