The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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