thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
