he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
