Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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