Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my being single is dangerous.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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